I eat, therefore I am.

Food, I likes me some food.  I have never been particularly disciplined when it comes to my eating habits so usually if I saw something that I would like, I would eat it.  This means that I am a big guy.  I make wide right turns, I always calculate in my head the total weight of people in an elevator and look at the sign on the wall to see if I am endangering these folks.  And if you saw me in your rear-view mirror I would most definitely be larger than I appeared.

I've also noticed that as the years behind me are greater than the years before me and my body does not respond as well to trauma and shock that it once did.  I can walk down the street and oops, my leg falls off.  Or, I wake up with a stiff neck.  And most recently, I woke up one day and I noticed my left knee and hip were really bothering me.  What brought this pain on?  Sleep, yes sleep is now against me because I really don't remember being attacked by a team of ninjas and fighting them off at 2 am.

You take these two things together, and that means you have to start doing something differently. So, my wife and I are going to go see a nutritionist.  Part of this entails documenting for 4 days everything I eat to show the nutritionist. I know that the purpose of this is to determine what parts of my diet that I need to change, but part of me wants to have a little bit of fun with this.

Day 1

7 am: One peeled orange, where I ate the peel and threw the rest away.

8 am: 1 cup of coffee, with a half a teaspoon of cream and 14 teaspoons of sugar.

12pm: Lunch consisted two slices of wheat bread with 1 oz of White-Out spread on and something I found in a Tupperware container in the back of refrigerator, origins unknown.

3pm: snack - I intended to eat an apple, but just then I walked by a little girl selling girl scout cookies so I ate two boxes of thin mints.

6pm: Dinner consisted of 6 oz of grilled salmon with a light dressing of one can of cheez-whiz topped with crushed Oreos.

This probably isn't the best course of action to take.  One of my concerns is I will hear "Well for lunch, you can have 2 rice cakes and pretend your spreading something delicious on them and then make sure to drink 18 oz of diet caffeine-free room temperature tap water.  Make sure you don't put ice in it, those are just empty calories. Everything changes, and this includes my diet. But at night, I can still dream of the deep-fried Twinkies and Oreos I ate that one time, and then wake-up with a mouthful of pillow feathers.